"The
problem with you miserable meatsacks is that you are almost completely unsuited
to space flight", the gruff woman stopped pacing at the edge of the stage,
staring out into the gloomy auditorium. Well
that got their attention. She glanced behind her to the rear of the stage
where the PR bitch fidgeted nervously in his seat. She smirked, enjoying the
tension in the theatre like a Shakespearean villain of old.
Restarting
her slightly lopsided pacing she continued, "You waste away when there
isn't enough gravity and go a bit, well" another smirk, "mushy when there is too much"
someone near the front of the audience squirmed. "You also have a terrible
habit of melting when exposed to the delights of solar radiation" more
squirming, a barely audible gulp from further back. Her smile widened, twisting
the livid red scar that ran up her cheek to the temple.
"But the
biggest single problem that you meatsacks present me is that you are some of the most expensive cargo that we
haul" she'd halted the pace once again. "That's right, cargo, cos that is what you are as soon
as you set foot on one of my luggers" the squirmer at the front continued
to look uneasy, just how she liked them, so she addressed him directly:
"What's the matter buttercup? Dreams of being the dashing captain of the
good ship star-farer? You were gonna explore the galaxy a bit? Maybe bang an
alien chick or two?" the kid stared back at her, a confused look on his
face somewhere between defiance and tears. Her smiled opened to reveal a set of
uneven yellow teeth, more than one missing.
The limp, the scar, the teeth;
despite the availability of medical technology that would banish them all, she
wore them like a badge of honour, as if to ask is this all the universe can throw at me?
With no
apparent defiance from the squirmer evident, shame, and no tears, bigger
shame, she lost interest in him and slowly plodded to the other end of the
stage. "You breath too much, so we have to haul you out some oxygen. You
drink, shit and piss too much, and so water gets added to the hold. You don't
like the hot, the cold, the radiation, so we have to shield the damn luggers.
More weight means more fuel needed, more fuel means more weight. More weight
fucks the bottom line. You ain't worth it. You know it, I certainly know it.
More importantly, the AI knows it. And that's
why next to none of you fuckers are gonna end up on my luggers"
"Th...thank
you, er, Sergeant, for your, er, evocative
description of shipboard life" the PR bitch had stood up, causing the
Sergeant's wicked smirk turn into a grimaced sneer. However, while this sneer
had halted many a raw recruit in their tracks, the PR bitch pressed on to stand
at the lectern in the centre of the stage which the Sergeant had been pacing
around. "We at the Lanark-Horishmo Conglomerate take pride in our old
fashioned honesty in this age of confusion". If the Sergeant's sneer could
have crept any further up the side of her face it would have got tangled in her
hair. "And so that is why I wanted you to meet my esteemed colleague
today" a nod towards the Sergeant, but eye contact was avoided at all
costs. "We understand that as you come to the end of your studies you want
to make the right decision when looking at potential employers. And so, why I
am very grateful to be given the opportunity to be invited to this fine careers
fair, it is important that you understand what working for Lanark-Horishmo
really means".
The brat at
the front was squirming again, the repeated distraction causing part of the PR
man's brain to conjure up an image of him letting the Sergeant beat the crap
out of the little cretin. However, outer composure maintained, the PR man
continued, "While we are among the largest conglomerates active off world,
less than 3% of our workforce are actually out-of-atmosphere. Less than 1% work
in positions outside of Earth orbit, and just 0.2% outside lunar orbit. We run
some of the most sophisticated AI in the eight nations, meaning that our
extra-terrestrial vehicles simply do not require, or would benefit from, human
operation". More squirming. "However, that does not mean that we
aren't looking for the best talent graduating this year. Our operations,
logistics, risk management, legal, research and finance teams are all
represented in the main hall and I hope you get chance to stop by and have a
chat with them. The Lanark-Horishmo graduate prospectus and application form is
available right..." pause "...now".
The PR man
watched as many of the audience's eyes flicked upwards and to the right,
opening the incoming mail icon via their iris augments. Most of them
immediately lost focus on him standing at the lectern, lips twitching on some
as they sub-vocalised commands, others weaving a complex pattern with their fingers
as the prospectus was opened and application from probed for grade
requirements. Faces dropped. Not in any attempt to command visual interfaces,
but in disappointment at the high grade average Lanark-Horishmo required across
numerous disciplines.
The PR man
smiled. Maybe bringing the Sergeant along hadn't been such a dumb idea after
all - make the LH Conglom seem exclusive. Tough but fair. A counter in his
peripheral vision ticked upwards; applications were already coming in at an
impressive rate. A quick AI script run telling him that they were 17.65% higher
than the same point in the presentation last year.
*But what about the 0.2% - where
do they apply? Outer lunar operations aren't mentioned in the prospectus*
The question
blinked on the screen at the rear of the stage. Audience members were
encouraged to ask questions at the start of the presentation, but until now the
screen had remained blank. Questions were allowed to be sent anonymously, the
PR man familiar with the reluctance for a young audience to participate driven
by that age old teenage fear of asking a stupid question in front of hundreds
of your peers. Despite this anonymity, the PR man had a more than slight
suspicion of where the question came from. He looked straight at the squirmer,
but just managed to stop a flash of annoyance from appearing on his face.
Instead he ran a hand over his neatly set hair and turned to address the wider
audience, the pretence of anonymity maintained.
"There
isn't a formal recruitment process for our off-world workforce. We identify
them in a separate exercise"
"What my
_esteemed colleague_ means..." the Sergeant stomped back towards the
centre of the stage, flashing a grin at the PR man as she mimicked his precise
phrasing, "...is that we find them, not the other way round. They are the
fucking ultimate; in space your mummy ain't there to clear up your mess".
The Sergeant paused, her own eyes flicking down; left hand sweeping left, then
down. She sniggered, before turning to look directly at the squirmer. "You
see, Kel, that a 54.8 average just ain't
gonna cut it off world"
FUCK, the PR man winced, the Sergeant
was pushing it now. Quite so blatantly ignoring the anonymity was one thing,
but pulling out the kid's confidential records in front of 117 people was
overstepping the line. Any iris footage of the kid crying was going to play
real bad with the exec AI.
"What
the Sergeant is saying..." the PR man interjected before the Sergeant
could make things any worse "...is that we target certain very high achievers
for the extra-terrestrial work, those with a particular set of characteristics
that make them able to make critical decisions in a high pressure
environment"
"I can
work under pressure" the squirmer had stood up, this time speaking his
question aloud. For a split second the PR man thought the kid was going to take
a swing at the Sergeant who loomed over him at the edge of the stage. However,
the Sergeant's relaxed body stance implied that she ranked that particular
threat as low. In fact the Sergeant had a broad smile. She actually enjoyed the presentation turning to
shit. The PR man cursed himself for bringing her along, rapidly trying to
formulate a path out of this latest interruption.
"Staying
out ten minutes after curfew ain't working under pressure kid"
DOUBLE FUCK, now the Sergeant was hacked
into the kid's constabulary record. The PR man briefly considered just making a
run for it.
"Thing
is kid, to show the AI that it makes plain old economic sense to blast your
expensive ass off world, you gotta prove that you can do stuff that they
can't" the Sergeant paused, the PR man cleared his throat, but the glance
he received from the Sergeant choked off any half formed interruption. The
Sergeant turned back to the squirmer, who remained stood up, but the defiance
was rapidly draining from his pudgy face. "There ain't much the AI can't
do, that is kinda the point of it after all. However, if you're the best of the
best in one of a few disciplines, then you gotta a shot"
The PR man
relaxed a fraction. It didn't look as if a fight was going to break out. It
actually kind of looked like the Sergeant was taking pity on squirmer, er, Kel.
That might even play well, the PR man
mused, the big gruff Sergeant taking a
low achiever under her wing. The PR man started to put some of his own iris
footage together. That, combined with footage from the discrete monitoring
drone that fluttered around the ceiling of the auditorium, would make a neat
basis for a short recruitment e-blast. The PR man smiled.
"What
disciplines?" Kel remained stood up. Someone behind him groaned, the PR
man could sympathise, was this kid never going quit it with the
stupid questions?
"Let me
break it down for you kiddo" the Sergeant seemed happy enough to humour
another question "there are how I like to categorise three areas in which
the good old human noggin'" she tapped her head "can out perform AI
in certain circumstances" she paused, enjoying the enrapt concentration of
the audience for a moment. She raised one hand out in front of her, then used
the other to count on her fingers "Fightin', fixin' and fuckin'"
Eyes widened
in the audience, not least Kel's, the Sergeant's broad smile evidence of her
continued enjoyment of shocking an audience. "Problem is Kel, your grade
point average is way too low on the first two aspects" eyes flicked down,
left hand dancing, another data retrieval "And that, frankly pathetic,
dalliance with your tutor's daughter last week doesn't bode well for the third
either"
The
auditorium burst into laughter, Kel reddened, then took off for the fire exit.
Meanwhile the PR man's link back to central systems blinked on. A mid-tier AI
monitoring protocol was querying why subnet access at the college to searches
for LH Conglom tagged to error definition 2453b, "unbefitting use of
language on company time", were up 1,583% in the last 20 seconds. The
Sergeant interrupted his blooming panic with a smack on the back.
"Well
that was more fun than I expected when you pixel pushing fuckweasels dragged me
down from operations" she said, grinning, "same time next year?"
No comments:
Post a Comment